When did we stop having fun?

By Tim Hofmann, M.C., CPC

 A personal friend of mine recently made a comment that really struck home.  Somewhat rhetorically he said “When do we start having fun?”  There are a lot of people these days who are not having much fun in life.  Pressures on the family are ever increasing.  Changes in our working environment are forcing us to work harder and longer just to keep from backsliding in our lifestyle.  Two-career households are now the norm, a sharp contrast to the one-provider families of the past. 

 Sometimes we feel like we are the victims of circumstances well beyond our control.  We feel forced to satisfy all the demands placed on us by others in our life, most notably our boss, our spouse, our children, our friends and perhaps even our parents.  Trying to satisfy all these demands can create exhaustion and a sense of utter futility and hopelessness.  If this goes on long enough we can get depressed, compounding the problems even further. 

Getting unstuck & out of the hole

 When we are feeling this way it is almost as if we have fallen into a hole that has thick tar at the bottom.  We can feel as if we are stuck in the tar and are helpless to find a way out.  Even if we could get out of the tar it seems as if we have no way to climb out of the hole.

 If the tar is thick, impossibly sticky and you are unable to get it off of your shoes, then it may represent a moderate to severe clinical depression.  In this case the quickest way to get unstuck may be through anti-depressant medication.  This medication can temporarily buoy up your biochemical processes so that you have at least a chance of climbing out of the hole.  A mental health professional can help you to determine just how thick the tar is and whether medication might be an appropriate starting point for you.

 If the tar is really not very thick or sticky, you can probably get out of it without medication.  One of the ways to start is to begin to look objectively at what you are doing each day and why.  Writing a daily journal can be useful.  This may help you to gain some perspective on your own assumptions about what "has to" be done.  Often times we make assumptions about things that "have to" be done or things that "have to be done now."  We can make these assumptions unknowingly without even considering that maybe the assumptions are not exactly true. 

 Frequently these assumptions are fueled by a process know as catastrophizing (getting into the habit of thinking of the worst possible outcome if something goes wrong).  An example might be "if I don't finish this work assignment today then I'll lose my job, never be able to get another, and end up living on the streets selling newspapers by the freeway."  Although this example may seem extreme, many people think this way at a very subtle level, not really aware of these thoughts, but still responding to events as if a catastrophe was really going to result if the work assignment doesn't get finished today.  Once we recognize this kind of thinking we can take steps to challenge our assumptions, asking ourselves what might really happen, evaluating the assumptions in the light of reality. 

Having Fun Again

 Another big piece of this puzzle is self-care.  Although self-care can take many forms, having fun can be a big help in climbing out of the hole.  If we are not having some fun then it is time to challenge our own assumptions and make the time and money available for a little bit of personal enjoyment.  After all, enjoyment is a natural part of life, but we must make the choice to make fun part of our daily living