“What will People Think? (WPT)”

By Tim Hofmann, M.C.

The title of this article is a phrase that is heard over and over again in counseling sessions.  Usually the words are slightly different, but the meaning is the same:  an overabundant concern about the thoughts and/or feelings of others.

Why is it bad to be concerned about others?  It’s not.....as long as we limit how far we go.  If we were completely unconcerned we would be self-centered snobs that would likely have difficulty functioning in society.  On the other hand, people who put too much emphasis on others tend to end up with symptoms of depression (fatigue, helplessness, hopelessness) or anxiety (nervousness, tension, headaches, insomnia, restlessness, ulcers and other symptoms).

The essence of the problem with WPT thinking is that each time we use this type of reasoning we give up some control over our lives.  In effect, we hand others our feelings, and in most cases we don’t even tell these people that they have them.

It is a well known fact that we do not control other people.  Even in the best of relationships we only have some influence over other people.  When we are overly concerned about what others think, we have a strong vested interest in getting them to do and say what we want so we will feel good.  And here is the dilemma:  we are trying to control the thoughts and behavior of others, an impossible task!!!!  We find ourselves scrambling to control the uncontrollable with anxiety, tension, and maybe depression as a result.

Rebalancing

If you find yourself getting worked up about what someone else thinks, then maybe it is time to ask yourself some hard questions.  What is the worst possible outcome that is likely to happen?  Would I live through it?  What are the real odds that the worst case will happen?  What is more likely to happen?  How can I balance my real concern with what is important for my health?  When was the last time I said “yes” when I really meant “no”?

Overcoming the WPT habit can be a difficult task to undertake.  It takes time and effort to change your style of thinking.  But in the long run it is well worth it to promote your health and happiness.